I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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