We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
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Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
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I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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