After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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