I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
