Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
