I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
