mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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