he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
