Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
