please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
