R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
