then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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