i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
