i was born a porn star she said
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
