you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
