I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
