p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
