Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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