P.S. I can't hear my feet
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
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