shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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