Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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