i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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