Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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