i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
