ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
