i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
