fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
