i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
