Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
