im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
