Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I want to be your penis for a week.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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