We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
