i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
