I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
