I'm going to jail i love you
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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