dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
