Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
