I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm getting married
To pizza
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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