I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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