Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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