just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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