i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
