I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
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Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
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Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm gonna fight the coyote
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize