Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
