I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
We have started to decorate penises.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
