just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
birth control should be required to get into college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
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