Your mouth is God's brothel.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You ruined the universe
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
