I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
