i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
