i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
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You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
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Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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