you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
