Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
