He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
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"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
