Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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