Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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