He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
