We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
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I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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