I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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