So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
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i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
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I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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