this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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